


How To Make Love To The Flash-Chapter 3: Office Rendevous

by liquidheartbeats



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 20:14:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16667575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liquidheartbeats/pseuds/liquidheartbeats
Summary: Iris West writes a heavily-detailed book about what it takes to make love to The Flash as a way to expel some creative energy. She has plans to self-publish it under the alias, Jenna Stewart – if she can get Barry’s blessing, of course. The file, unbeknownst to Iris, gets uploaded prematurely through some glitch in the software she uses before she can tell Barry about it, and it soon becomes a bestseller.





	How To Make Love To The Flash-Chapter 3: Office Rendevous

_“Enough to know that Barry doesn’t like being buttered up,” Cisco spit out before grabbing his mouth with his hand. “Oops.”_

_“Yeah, he, if I remember currently prefers warm chocolate sauce,” Harry added, laughing._

_“HARRY!!,” yelled Caitlin and Cisco in unison._

_Iris gasped, as blood rushed to her cheeks._

_“Guess it just got worse.”_

* * *

* * *

“Iris, I am SO sorry that these two invaded your privacy like this," Caitlin said, apologetically.

“THESE two?” Cisco and Harry spit back.

“Like you weren’t sitting right there with us, listening,” Harry said.

“Exactly!” Cisco agreed.

Caitlin shot Cisco an incredulous glance. “Says the man who downloaded the book in it the first place.”

“You tell ‘em, Snow!”

“Harry?!” Cisco replied, dumbfounded.

“Hey, every man for himself, kid.”

“I’mma remember that,” Cisco begrudged.

“Go ahead. See if -“

“Hey. GUYS. This isn’t helping, okay,” Iris interjected, shooting up from her seat at the control station. “I have bigger problems to deal with than wondering just how much of Barry and I’s intimate _activities_ you know about or not.”

“Spoiler: It’s A LOT,” Harry mouthed with a cheeky grin, though Iris’s returning glare wiped the smirk right from his face.

“Do NOT play with me, Harrison.”

“Sorry West.”

“What I need now, is for you, Cisco to do your genius hacker thing and help me delete all traces of the book from the internet. I can delete the original from Amazon, but it won’t affect books already downloaded. And then there’s Twitter, Facebook, etc. Any mention of this book, I need it gone.”

“I’ll do what I can, but…is it really that serious? No one, other than us, knows that you wrote it. Or that it’s about Barry.”

“That doesn’t mean it can’t be dangerous for him.”

“Okay, I’m drawing a blank.”

“Dangerous for Flash, I mean” Iris said, wringing her hands. “Even his fiercest adversaries respect him and his abilities. But if they know some of his….”

“Quirks,” Harry intruded.

“Quirks…” Iris said, nodding, “They might taunt him out in the field. And you know Barry. He gets distracted easily.”

“It’ll throw him off of his game,” said Caitlin.

“Exactly. And I can handle Barr being angry at me for accidentally putting our business out there. But I won’t be able to live with myself if he gets hurt because of me, okay?”

“Okay,” Cisco said, sincerely. “I’ll get on it. Right away.”

“Thank you, Cisco. You’re a lifesaver!"

“Think nothing of it.”

“Great! Iris said with a clap. “Now, I have to head back into work and try to talk my editor out of reviewing this book. Otherwise, all your work will be for nothing.”

“Got it, boss,” Cisco said, as he settled into the control station.

Harry followed and stood behind him, arms folded. Sensing the daggers Iris was shooting his way, he looked up. “You want something, West?”

“I don’t know how to say this,” Iris breathed slowly, “but if you breathe a single word about this book to Barry I WILL kill you. As far as he knows, none of you even know about it yet, and I want you to keep it that way,” she grated, voice stern.

Lips pressed together, Harry slowly nodded his head. When Iris’s phone dinged, stealing away her attention for a spell, Harry leaned down to Cisco. “Damn she’s uptight. Must not be getting any,” he whispered.

The quip garnered a sharp elbow to the ribs on Cisco’s end.

“The hell, Ramon!?”

“I’m too young and too beautiful to die. Shut up!”

Iris returned her phone to her pocket, then turned to Caitlin. “Caitlin. An aside?” Iris said, glancing suspiciously at the lollypop twins, who she was sure was up to no good.

“Sure,” said the doctor, walking with Iris out of the cortex.

“So. Um. This is awkward, but exactly how much of that did you all read?”

“Umm.”

“You can tell me, I won’t get mad.”

“Alright,” Caitlin resigned. “We just briefly skimmed the first couple of pages…”

Iris sighed of relief.

“Of the first two chapters,” the doctor added quickly.

Iris slapped a hand to her forehead. “Caitlin! Why didn’t you stop them?”

“Now, Iris. You KNOW how Cisco and Harry get when they’re together. I mean look at them,” she said, pointing into the cortex.

Iris looked past Caitlin and saw the formidable duo fighting over the controls.

“Great. Two kids with a book full of real-life erotica,” Iris said, rolling her eyes.

Caitlin gulped. “Real life,” she said softly.

“What?”

“I just. You write beautifully, Iris,” Caitlin offered, “but NONE of it was fabricated? Not even the part about the…,” she said, letting her voice drop out.

“Nope. 100 percent factual.”

  
"And the..." she leaned down again, in Iris's ear.

"That too."

Caitlin’s eyes immediately shot to Iris’s legs. “I just. Girl, how are you even standing?!”

Eyes wide, Iris grabbed the other woman’s shoulders. “Caitlin, honey, FOCUS.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I just…you know, I’m a doctor. I’m curious," Caitlin said humping her shoulders.

  
Iris nodded slowly. "Riiiight."

“Anyway,” Caitlin said, changing the subject, “Go to work, I’ll do my best to keep them away, okay?”

“You promise?”

“Doctor’s honor.”

“Thank you, Caitlin! I’ll be in touch.”

“What did West want, Snow?” Harry asked when Caitlin returned to the cortex.  
“For me to watch the children.”

Harry looked around the cortex. “What children?”

Cisco chuckled. “She means us, genius.”

Offended, Harry perched his arm on his hip. “Children?! I have 8 PhDs.”

“And the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old. So…child.”

“Well, at least I don’t LOOK 12.”

“Guys! Enough. Okay? I have to make a phone call, but I’m going to trust that you’re done with that book, right? We’ve caused enough trouble for today.”

“RIGHT?”

“Yes, Ms. Caitlin.” Harry and Cisco said, at the same time.

  
“Now, gimme the E-reader.”

“Caitlin, I’m appalled,” Cisco said, hand to heart.

“NOW, Cisco,” Caitlin replied, hand outstretched.

“Fine,” Cisco said, lowering his head.

“Thank you. Now please, do all you can to remove the book from social media. Barry’s never returned from the robbery, so he must be at work, but we don’t know when another emergency is going to pop up, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry begrudged.

“Thanks guys.

* * *

* * *

 

“So, how’s it coming, Ramon?” Harry asked, a few minutes later.

“Not great. It’s not exactly easy to hack into three of the most trafficked websites in the world. Their encryption is out of this world.”

“Ehh, Felicity could have been in and out like that,” Harry replied with a snap of the fingers

“Well, Felicity isn’t here, now is she?” Cisco retorted.”

“That’s what I thought,” he said in Harry’s silence. Whipping his hair, Cisco returned his attention back to the control station. “Holy Shit.”

“What?”

“ _How To Make Love To The Flash_ is trending locally on Twitter.”

"Really?"

“See for yourself.” With a tap of the button, Cisco directed the feed to the big monitor on the wall.

“Oooh,” Harry smirked as he scrolled through the tag, which so far, had over 2000 tweets in it. "This book is spreading like wildfire."

"Tell me about it."

Harry continued, "User **@SarahH** said **‘Damn. Does Flash make house calls? Asking for a friend #HowToMakeLoveToTheFlash** ” and it has 400 likes.

“Oh God.” Cisco deadpanned.

“Then her friend, **@MelissaR** replied, ' **I’ll let you know. BRB, gonna set my house on fire #HTMLTTF'**

THEN **@SarahH** came back with “ **Not if I stage a home invasion, first!'"**

"Do NOT read Melissa's followup out loud. It’s more graphic than the book,” Cisco said, shaking his head.

Harry laughed. “All of this for Allen, eh?”

“What do you expect, with how Iris, I mean _Jenna_ , talked him up?”

“Yeah, well Iris is going to freak. And I must admit, I’m looking forward to it."

“Iris!? Barry’s going to freak. And then Iris is going to kill me if he gets hurt because I didn’t get the book down in time.”

“Oh. Right. Allen and his safety,” Harry huffed. Get on it then, Ramon.”  
“But I haven’t broken into the code.”

“Caitlin has felicity’s number,” Harry said, with a shit eating grin.

  
“You enjoy hurting me, don’t you?”

“Never,” Harry said, nodding his head up and down.

Cisco rolled his eyes. “Ugh. Come on. Before this spreads even further.”

**Chapter 3: Office Encounters**

**_It’s so cute how they underestimate him. ‘They’ as in the men he works with when he’s not saving the world. They’re not too terribly mean, though. In fact, many of them take a weird brotherly care over him._ **

**_But they definitely see him as inferior._ **

**_To them, he’s just a skinny, mild-mannered guy who does his job with little disruption. He’s reliable, dependable, nothing particularly special._ **  
**_In their eyes, it was only by the skin of his teeth that he managed to snag a woman like me, who they feel, is out of his league._ **

**_If only they knew how wrong they were._ **

**_If only they knew of the power that lived in his loins, or the way my body burns with desire for it. If only they had an inkling of the way my feminine essence craves the very fiber of his being. How all it takes is one look from him to make me melt into a pile of nothing, and how just one touch can put me back together again._ **

**_And if they knew of all the surfaces in his office in which he’d taken me, he’d be out of a job faster than...well, a lightning strike._ **

**_Don’t ask me who he works for, I’ll never risk revealing his identity. If I were those men though, I’d think twice before I sat my food down on that desk. That one too. Yes, John, especially that one._ **

“WHEW!” Caitlin, said, fanning herself, in the corner of the speed lab, where she’d taken refuge away from Cisco and Harry. “I really got to get myself a copy of this book.

“No, what you GOTTA do, is admit you’re a liar,” Cisco called out from behind her.

Caitlin jumped up immediately. “Guys, it’s not what it looks like. I-I.”

“Am busted,” Harry said, arms folded. “And to think, you chastised us for reading it, but you’re in here doing the same.”

“It’s not the same thing! You goofballs just want to make fun of Barry, I…am a woman who can appreciate well-written erotica.”

“Whatever you have to tell yourself to be able to sleep, tonight. Now Gimme my e-reader,” Cisco demanded.

Caitlin slowly outstretched her arm but recoiled it before Cisco could retrieve the tablet from it. “I promised Iris.”

“And you broke that promise, Caitlin. NOW,” Cisco pushed on, voice stern.  
  
“Okay, okay,” she said, finally handing it over. “But I skimmed the rest of the chapter, and I wouldn’t read that next part if I were you.”

“Nuh-uh. You lost all right to give orders.”

“Fine. But I want NO parts of this,” Caitlin said, before scurrying away, in pursuit of the cortex.

“Can you BELIEVE her?” Cisco asked Harry.

“After the way she stared longingly off in the distance, umm yeah. What you should have asked, is if I understood.”

“Fair enough.”

“Now,” Harry said, snatching the E-reader from Cisco’s hand. “Let’s see where Caitlin left off.”

 _ **"You might ask why we choose to…engage at his place of business, but it’s the same reason we engage at mine. The thrill of getting caught mid-suck, or thrust, ups the stakes.” Harry continued. “It also emboldens my overly polite hero, who gets a rush of adrenaline, knowing that he has to keep his powers bubbling just underneath the surface, in case we have to make a quick escape.**_ "

Cisco gasped. “At their jobs, too?! Dang, do they do anything other than have sex?”

“You jealous, Ramon?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Maybe?”

“I…uhh…think I’ll know if you read the rest of that chapter.”

“Acceptance if the first step to recovery my friend,” Harry said smiling. Adjusting his glasses, he turned his attention back the screen, but no sooner than he did, his smile dropped off of his face.

Cisco, who was fumbling with his palms, glanced up when Harry didn’t start back up. “Any day now, Poindexter.”

“You know what, Snow’s right, Cisco. We’ve gone far enough.”

Cisco narrowed his gaze, looking for traces of truth on Harry’s face. “Since when do you care about what’s ‘right’,” Cisco said, emphasizing his point with air quotes.

“Uhh,” Harry replied, attempting to buy a little time. “Screw it. You’re going to find out eventually,” he said, relenting. “Here. You should read it yourself."

Lips turned upward in confusion, Cisco reluctantly took the device from the scientist’s hands. “Harry,” he said, slowly. “What’s going on?”

“Just read it, Ramon. But be warned, you’ll never be the same again.

Cisco shot Harrison one final suspecting glance, then turned his attention back to Iris’s book. He scanned the page until he came to the place where the older man left off, then continued, slowly…

 _ **“Speaking of escapes, of all of the delicious office encounters we’ve had, the best ones always come when we’re at Flash’s unofficial place of business, the place he spends all of his free time, when he’s not home with me, of course.**_ ”

Looking up slowly, Cisco said, “She means STAR Labs, right?”

“Precisely.”

“Why would I care…”

“Just read.”

_**“Even in a facility as spacious and as uninhabited as his, there’s one place in the building that we sneak off too, more than them all. Unlike many of the other areas, it’s temp-controlled, and the acoustics in the room allow my moans to ricochet off of the walls, and bounce back between all of the little trinkets and gadgets that are displayed in the room like trophies."** _

“Wait,” Cisco said, gasping. “That sounds like…"

"Come on, you're almost there," Harrison egged him on.

"That sounds like MY LAB. Oh, God."

"And he's GOT it!" Harry yelled clapping.

"They fornicated in front of my babies!? My CHILDREN?!"

“Calm down, buddy.”

Cisco jumped up “Calm down?! I can’t! They’re so young. So pure. And yet, they’ve been subjected to this depraved speedster sex show. Oh, my GOD!” Cisco said, clutching his chest. “I’ve failed my creations.”

“I take it, he read the rest of that page, huh?” Caitlin said, reentering the room.

“I tried to stop him,” Harry said, raising his hands.

“Sure you did,” Caitlin replied. “We have a bigger problem right, now, though.”

“What could possibly be a bigger problem than this?” Cisco asked, distraught.”

“Barry’s back.”  
“Good. I’m going to kill him!" Cisco said, charging in the direction of the exit.

“Wait!” Caitlin said, grabbing his arm. “You’re not supposed to know about the book.”

“Yeah, well, I do. And now I know Barry’s been getting his rocks off in front of my gadgets. He’s going to PAY,” Cisco spit back, attempting to free himself from Caitlin’s grip.

“Cisco!” Caitlin yelled. “Later, Cisco. For now, do this for Iris.”

“Oh, Ms. Hot in the pants is going to pay too,” Cisco replied.

“Fine, fine. Pay them both back. But first, there’s something else we need to take care of. Barry’s in the cortex and his suit is RUINED.”

Cisco’s face dropped. “Oh God. Is he hurt?”

“No! He's...umm..well..I’ll…uh…let you see for yourself...."

**Author's Note:**

> When I tell you, this chapter almost didn't get written. It took forever, but I finally finished it. There isn't quite a as many sexy bits in this chapter, but I'll make up for it in the follow up! Hope you enjoy. :)


End file.
